I Am Colorblind
by Koala75
Summary: James Diamond is described as many things: carved perfection, a womanizer, talented beyond belief, etc. When he returns home for his father's funeral, and reconnects with old friends, James quickly realizes his life is far from perfect.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I had some ideas surface, and these are getting done a lot faster than my first couple fics, so I won't leave you guys hanging this time. I've finally got my own laptop again, and writing is one of my main priorities. Anyway, I'm trying some new writing styles with this fic and the next new fic I'm posting (shortly after this one is posted), and you'll either love it or not. No biggie. I'm not sure where exactly I'm going with this fic, but I know I liked the idea. I just have to fill in the gaps. And you all get to see it done! Yay! I hope you enjoy!**

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><p><em>Would you really rush out, for me now?<em>

_Would you really rush out, for me now?_

James licked his lips, turning down the radio. He didn't know what he was listening to, and quite frankly, he didn't care. For roughly an hour now, he'd been driving around in the rental car, not sure if he was lost, or avoiding home. It confused him- James Diamond, famous pop star and actor, was nervous? He never got nervous. In fact, it had been quite some time since he'd felt anything like that.

Feeling _anything_ was out of character for James, as a matter of fact. It just wasn't in his nature to convey real emotion. At least, he didn't want it to be. This mindset started when he was a small child. His parents were divorcing, and his world was falling apart around him. On top of that, he'd reached a new low at school- everyone was teasing him for the small amount of extra weight he carried. After a lot of tears, James decided it would hurt a lot less if he simply shut it all off. He numbed himself to his parents divorce, and focused on working out. By the time his Mom gained full custody of him and moved to a smaller town in Minnesota, he had sculpted himself into a person he came to love and detest all at the same time.

While his mother busied herself in work, James was free to do whatever he wanted. He'd conditioned himself to believe crying was wrong, and showing any true emotion was weak, so he avoided it. Then he joined the high school hockey team, and met Kendall, Logan, and Carlos. Those boys became family to him, in a time so short, James would've never believed it had he been warned beforehand. It was easy to let these boys in, and their connection was profound. He was grateful for it.

Until they all moved to L.A. to start a band, Big Time Rush. Everything was fine at first. They had their ups and downs, they worked hard to achieve success, and they learned a lot along the way. The time was fun, even though it was now just a dusty old memory. James realized there, though, that he'd let emotion get the best of him. As Big Time Rush slowly faded into the background, and his friends decided it was time for them to move on, James realized he'd grown too attached. He was scared to be on his own, and he was scared to let go. That was exactly what he didn't want. He didn't like feeling alone and helpless. He loathed feeling vulnerable. It was as if he was that small child who sat in his closet and cried while his parents screamed at each other downstairs.

So what did he do? He chose to mess everything up. James and the group had all gone back toMinnesota. He was a nobody again. Big Time Rush was over and he had to move on. He was only nineteen. Kendall was only nineteen. Katie Knight, Kendall's baby sister, was a far too young thirteen-years-old. Being the idiot he was, James didn't think his actions through. He chose to drink. He chose to get behind the wheel, when he was responsible for getting Kendall and Katie home. He couldn't recall the events leading up to the accident, but he knew damn well what he'd done. And he would never forget. Kendall wouldn't allow charges to be pressed, but everyone wanted to know what had James so distant those days. When he finally couldn't take it anymore, when he knew that he had to cut all ties to the life he was leading, James packed up and disappeared from town.

Finding himself back in L.A, James took a job as a waiter, until he was offered a contract from a new record company. He didn't have the heart to go back to Rocque Records, so he took the next best thing. From there, he landed small acting jobs, making several appearances on TV. He started fresh, and this time, he didn't attach himself to anyone. James Diamond knew damn well what would happen if he did. It was his biggest flaw- he wanted people to get close to, but once he got them, he would hurt them any way he could to make them leave. He wanted to make them leave before they realized what a waste of time he was, and left on their own.

Shaking his head, James focused on the road. It had been roughly seven years since he fledSherwood, Minnesota. His reason for coming back was simple: his father had died. When he got the call from his mother, he wasn't sure what made him actually answer it this time. He'd done a good job of ignoring everyone, and blocking everyone, from his old life. But something was telling him to answer. He wasn't sure if he was happy that he did or not. Brooke Diamond told him his father was dead, and James had no reaction. He said it was terrible, and when Brooke asked if he would come down for the funeral, he had to really think about it. Unsure of what he was signing himself up for, James said he would. He'd contemplated flaking out. Easily not going and forgetting it.

But something made him pack up a few days worth of clothes, and buy a ticket to Minnesota.

Now he was back. Now James was driving into the small town. Licking his lips again, his mouth uncomfortably dry, James slowed down. He drove past the old grocery store where Kendall had worked, the police station where Carlos' father would take them whenever the group got in too much trouble, and the hospital where Logan insisted he would work one day. Everywhere he looked, there was a memory. He'd moved to Sherwood when he was just thirteen-years-old. No one knew the real him. No one other than Kendall, Logan, and Carlos.

Sighing, James turned the volume on the radio up again. He turned the next corner, heading towards the row of homes he knew all too well. As he past a small park, he remembered skating there with the boys, and how great of a team they turned out to be.

_They were kids that I once knew,_

_Now they're all dead hearts to you._

Growling, James switched stations. Everything from the music that came on the radio, to situations on television shows, reminded him of something he didn't want to think of, whether it was his family, or all the mistakes he'd made. It was getting harder and harder not to feel.

"Come on, James. Don't be such a pussy," he scolded himself, stopping once he reached an intersection. There was a group of four women, laughing as they walked their dogs. James eyed all of them, his lips twitching up. The tallest one, a blonde with small blue eyes and a narrow nose, saw him and winked, giving him a small wave. All he could do was chuckle and give her a small wave in response. James Diamond had always been known for being a a girl-chaser. He'd never once had a serious girlfriend, but rather, a seemingly endless string of dates and hook-ups. It wasn't a secret at all.

Looking at the rest of the girls, James saw the shortest two were twins. They had red hair, pinned up in opposite side-ponytails, and wore matching jackets. Their faces were pretty, but James just wasn't interested. Not until he saw the girl in between all of them. She was tall, with long, thin legs, and brown hair that reached down to the middle of her back. Her eyes were covered by sunglasses, and her expression was blank.

"Excuse me, you're James Diamond, aren't you?" an excited, high-pitched voice yanked James from his mind again, and he looked out of his window, seeing the blonde woman staring. She and one of the twins were looking at him excitedly. He smiled and nodded, reaching out his hand to shake theirs. The other twin whispered something to the girl with the glasses, but she didn't become excited like her friends. Instead, she frowned, keeping a bored, unamused expression. "Can we have your autograph?" Nodding, James waited for the girls to find pens in their purses, and signed the paper they handed to him. They requested a picture as well, and he posed for them, making them laugh with ease. He wasn't always trying to flirt. Sometimes it just came naturally. Once he was able to make them leave, he quickly drove off, heading towards his mothers' house.

Not much had changed. When James parked in front of Brooke Diamond's house, turning off the car, he still saw the perfectly trimmed hedges, the dents in the mailbox that Carlos had accidentally made, and the missing shingles. Shaking those thoughts from his head, James inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a few seconds. He needed to clear his mind. All he was here for was the funeral. Nothing more.

The walk to the door made James' heartbeat pound in his head. Each step brought him closer to the memories, and everything grew just a little bit more difficult to numb himself to. Blowing out a gust of air, James hesitated as he held up his fist, not quite certain if it was right for him to knock on the door. Before he could decide on anything, he was already knocking. Three swift, loud enough to be heard, knocks and James was ready to turn around and bolt. He didn't know what he was doing here. He didn't belong here.

"James!"

Too late.

Brooke Diamond opened the door, her thick lips stretching into a wide smile as she held open her arms, embracing her son. She kept him close for a long few moments, blinking back tears when she pulled away. If anything, she was worse than James about hiding her emotions. She just might've been the one who influenced him to start doing it. Turning, James listened as her heels clicked against the hardwood floor, echoing in the hallway. Still uncertain of his place there, he slowly followed.

"I'm glad you could come. You're really the only reason I'm going, sweetie," Brooke admitted, pulling out a small mirror and lipstick from her purse. She applied it quickly, getting her things together. James frowned, his brow furrowing.

"I thought you were… planning the funeral-"

Brooke laughed before James could finish the statement. His cheeked heated up, and he looked down at his feet. He was dressed appropriately for his fathers' funeral, and the only reason he'd planned on staying a few days was to help him mother through everything. He didn't know why he assumed she was organizing everything. Perhaps it was the fact that _she_ called him, and no one else did. James never gave thought to any other option.

"No, sweetie. His _wife_ took care of all that," Brooke informed him, her tone somewhat bitter. James cringed, running a hand through his hair. So his step-mother, the woman Chris Diamond left Brooke for, had planned everything? And she hadn't called James herself? Growing up, James never really interacted a lot with Cindy, but he figured she would've called him. Maybe it was out of respect for his biological parents she didn't. He wasn't sure, and he decided not to dwell on the thought.

"I see," James replied simply, focusing on his objective. He was to attend the funeral, and pay respects to his father. That was it. Now that he knew he mother would be fine, he could go home sooner. Hell, had he been smart enough to piece together that she would've been fine, he probably wouldn't have come at all. However, a small voice in the back of his mind was whispering something. It was telling him that was a lie.

Brooke insisted they take her car, and the drive to the church was utterly silence. James listened as the raindrops hit the car, and stared straight ahead as if he were driving. When he was younger, he would've daydreamed as he stared at the scenery. He couldn't allow himself to think now. Not here. He had to be strict with himself. The sooner he could return to L.A, the better.

As Brooke parked, James took note of how many cars were there. He would've thought there was service today, with how many people showing up. Shrugging off the initial surprise, James exited the car, waiting for his mother. He walked her inside, seeing what he presumed to be associates to his father, and relatives he'd never really met. He could see Cindy in front of the coffin, wiping her eyes.

The entire scene was too unreal for James. He could see his father, aged and fragile, lying in the coffin, and he wanted to leave. In the second it took him to fully acknowledge that his father was dead, James felt his head flood with memories he'd kept at bay for over a decade. Chris Diamond was never much of a father to him. So why was it tugging at James' heart to really accept what was happening? Biting down on his lip, he kept a straight face as he sat with his mother. He focused on the windows, forcing down the lump in his throat, and locking away all the thoughts bouncing around in his head.

James became so focused, he was able to slip out of reality. Much to his relief, he stayed there for quite some time. He didn't take notice when the service started, and he didn't listen to anyone that spoke of his father. Only when Brooke nudged him did he look up. The minister was approaching him, his face grave.

"Would you like to say anything about your father, James?" he asked sorrowfully. All eyes were on James. He was wonderful in front of crowds. He wouldn't have become such a success were he not. So why was he choking? Why wasn't he in control? James kept a blank, solid poker face and cleared his throat.

"No sir," he said with ease, his voice lacking any and all emotion. He didn't sound sad, or like he was fighting tears. He just spoke. There was nothing to it. Brooke gave him a curt nod, patting his hand. She followed his gaze, staring out of the window. He hadn't really been looking at what was going on outside as much as he was avoiding seeing his father.

"There's a storm coming." Brooke whispered, glancing up at James. He frowned, suddenly realizing that there were dark clouds rolling in, and the rain had turned to snow. Swallowing thickly, James' frowned deepened and he sighed. "You weren't planning on staying." It wasn't a question. Brooke knew what her son was thinking, but James didn't feel any guilt. He wouldn't allow it. He had wanted to leave as soon as the funeral was over.

This seemed to be a sign though. Maybe he was supposed to stay in Sherwood for a few days. He was on vacation now. He had a few days to spare. Actually, he had a little over a week, but no one here needed to know. James wanted to leave. Sherwood wasn't where he belonged, and everyone there knew it. Why did he even come back? Why wasn't he thinking straight enough to reason out there was no point for him to return? He had avoided it for seven years. What brought him back?

James shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable calling Sherwood "home" and realized he couldn't really refer to Brooke's house, or even his loft in L.A as home. It didn't necessarily matter, but it was a curious thought. Once again, James had to scold himself and focus on something irrelevant. He thought about the girls he'd seen crossing the street, and he thought about how easy it would be to get with any one of them. It had been a while since he really pursued a date with anyone, finding no interest in any girl he'd met in L.A. lately. Was that what brought him to Sherwood? A fresh selection?

Shrugging it off, James sat quietly as the service came to an end, and his fathers' coffin was carried off. His feet moved on their own accord, and though he was there in body while his father was buried, his mind was elsewhere. Chris Diamond was dead, and James wanted to go back to L.A, and forget this all ever happened. It was a mistake coming back.

People were leaving now, and the last of the dirt was being packed onto the grave. Brooke and James were the last two standing, and she had to nudge her son again to pull him out of his safe haven.

"Are you going by your friends' houses?" Brooke questioned, walking back to her car with James. He paused, his hand on the door. Entering the car slowly, he stared down at his hands once he put his seatbelt on. Would he go see them? "They were here, didn't you see them? I guess they thought you needed some time just with me." James blinked, his head jerking up. They'd come to _his _fathers' funeral? His lips pursed, James leaned back in his seat, staring out of the window. The snow was collecting on the ground, and the clouds were darker. It was only four in the afternoon.

There was no way he'd catch a flight out of Minnesota. He knew the weather too well. He was stuck.

"Maybe. Yeah." James answered, his hands clenching. He could do this. He could face them all again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'm still thinking about what I could really do with this fic, so the chapters may sometimes be pretty short. I'm sorry about that, but this story wasn't meant to be long anyway. Actually... None of the Jatie ideas I've had were meant to be long. Wow. Well, I do hope you enjoy what you're getting.**

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><p>Blowing out a gust of air, James leaned back against the rail on the bleachers, staring up at the sky. The clouds were gray, and the wind was crisp and cold. It was hard to believe that Chris Diamond had been buried two days ago, and James was still stuck in Sherwood. The storm came quickly, and lasted throughout the night. Snow hadn't piled up the way James knew it could, but it was still bad enough to keep him from getting a flight back to L.A. He was tense staying in the house with his mother, but she focused on her work more than she did to him. James was an adult, and he didn't need her watching over him. Numb to any feeling, he decided that was fine with him. He was going to leave soon anyway.<p>

Something was bothering James, however. He noticed it the night of his fathers' funeral. Before he went to bed, as he washed his face, he stared into the mirror for a long time. Unsure of what he was looking for, James could only tell that he wasn't happy with his reflection. He didn't look like himself anymore, and it seemed as though it had been ages since James really took a look at himself. He didn't know who was staring back at him, and a part of him was ashamed and disgusted by that. Of course, James didn't want to waste any time thinking about that, so he shoved it all away. Each time he caught himself in the mirror, though, he'd immediately turn away from it.

Turning to look at the empty park, James tried to clear his mind. He couldn't shake all the thoughts off, but he at least wanted to squash the strange haze he was in. Burying his face in his hands, he pushed his hair back, thinking about the visits he made the day after the funeral. It took a while to summon the courage needed, but he called them. Kendall, Carlos, and Logan. He asked if they were busy, and he wondered if they wanted to grab lunch. His initial question was going to be if they wanted to get drinks, but he hesitated when he thought of Kendall, and decided against it. Each of them seemed pleasantly surprised to receive the call, and they'd all agreed on a time and place. Five o'clock. Bella's Diner.

"_James Diamond! Good to see you, man," Logan greeted, hugging his former friend. Kendall and Carlos came in together, hugging James as well. He'd forgotten how close the group had been, and how much they all had really cared about each other. It was strange being back, and feeling so accepted after such a long time. What was worse was how James wasn't entirely sure if they realized he didn't care about them anymore- or didn't want to care._

_The group ordered meals, and talking between them came easily. James asked how everyone had been, and they each had their own story to tell. Kendall had gone to college, playing hockey the entire time. He played with the Minnesota Wild before blowing out his knee a year later, and since then had taken a job coaching the hockey team at the high school. He spent his free time making music with a friend he'd met in college, and they had a few singles out. Since breaking up with Jo all those years ago, Kendall hadn't done much dating, but he was currently working on starting a relationship with a girl named Michelle, who he'd recently met at a grocery store._

_Logan had finished college, and was working for a while in San Diego to be closer to Lucy Stone, a girl the boys had known while their band was still making music. His romance with her lasted a long while, and they were now engaged. As Lucy grew tired of her fame, she agreed to come with him back to Sherwood, and she taught children how to play instruments, while Logan took a job at the hospital. Logan admitted to wondering if James would come to the wedding or not, to which James said he would- though, he didn't understand why he was continuing to agree to such things, when he knew he didn't care._

_As for Carlos, he'd joined the police force soon after returning home. He spent a couple months in training, then was a full-fledged officer. He kept in touch with Jennifer Hale, the Jennifer he had gone to prom with, and two years ago, she'd agreed to go on another date with him. Since then, they'd dated whenever she had some spare time, and he would constantly visit her in New York. She was starring in Broadway shows at the time, and once her fame had run its course, and she was looking to settle, Carlos asked her to marry him. The two had eloped, and now had three children- Isaac, Joanne, and Marcus._

_When the boys asked James how he was doing, James didn't have much to say that they didn't already know. His solo albums had gone platinum, and he co-starred in three movies with Angelina Jolie, Ellen Page, Johnny Depp, and Jensen Ackles. His dating life was on the tabloids a lot, but there was no one serious he had to mention._

It daunted James, as he sat, staring at the emptiness around him, that he was the most successful out of the group, and yet the most boring. He had stories to tell, but they didn't seem like such good stories when Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were all laughing with each other, still connected and understanding. James felt out of the loop- but he had done that to himself. It was what he wanted. Sighing, he leaned forward, his chest almost touching his knees. He was prepared to get up and leave, when he heard a sudden bark.

Glancing up, James saw a woman walking a dog towards him. He paused, recognizing her slender legs and long brown hair. She was wearing the same leather jacket and sunglasses she'd been wearing the day he first saw her. He hadn't gotten a name, but he'd spoken to her friends, who had been eager to get his autograph. Once they were at the bleachers, James contemplated getting up, especially when the dog began barking. It was a fairly large dog, a typical German Shepherd.

"Calm down, Felix. I know someone's here, you've made it clear," the woman said, her voice strong and serious. She sat down on the second row, allowing the dog to run off and play. As she sat, she faced ahead of her, unmoving. James licked his lips, his hands fidgeting. The entire time he'd been home, he hadn't felt like himself. It had started when he got the call from his mother, and he wanted it to be over already.

Something about this woman was interesting to James. Perhaps it was the way she carried herself, and how indifferent to everything she seemed. She looked more attractive than any girl James had seen in a while, and maybe that was what pulled him in. He wasn't too sure. All he knew was that she was something different from what he was used to, and that was possibly what he needed to get out of his strange haze. Moving carefully down the bleachers, he stopped when he was on her row, only a few feet away.

"Hi," James greeted, his body angled to face hers. She continued staring ahead, turning only a small fraction towards him in acknowledgment. "I'm James Diamond." The woman nodded, refusing to move anymore after she got his name. Her expression changed for a moment, to something James couldn't place, but it disappeared almost instantly.

"I know you," she stated. It wasn't like she was saying she knew him the way others knew him. She said it as though she knew who he really was as a person. Thrown off by this, James was quiet. He scratched the side of his nose, peering over at the dog. It was running around the field, chasing after birds. "Hot shot coming home for Dad's funeral, yeah? I'm sorry for your loss." Her phrasing of the situation was bold, and almost rude, but James could hear the easy bluntness. She was a woman who cut to the chase.

"Thanks. It's fine," James replied, shrugging. There was no remorse in his voice, or anything that could hint at sadness. It was a flat lifeline. The woman didn't fail to notice. She tilted her head, finally casting a glance in his direction. Her sunglasses hid her eyes from him, but James could feel her stare, even as he looked down.

"You're fine?" she questioned, clearly not believing him. James nodded, shrugging again. A quiet fell over them, and the woman shook her head. "You sound depressed." As soon as the words left her lips, James' head snapped up. His eyes were wide, and he couldn't bring himself to move as the woman stood up, carefully stepping down from the bleachers and calling her dog over. "Your voice is empty, in case you can't tell. No emotion like that is a pretty large indicator. Trust me." She bent down, reattaching the leash to her dogs' collar, and allowing him to lead her away. Without a single goodbye or any parting notion, she left James to sit there and ponder what she'd said.

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><p><em>Broken glass littered the ground, and James sat alone, surrounded by nothing but the black walls. He could hear shouts of a man and woman, and he could hear the voices of children, teasing and taunting. A mirror was beneath him, and when he stood, looking down at himself, he saw a face covered in scars. He was as ugly outside as he was on the inside. Each scar was something more undesirable than the last. Vanity, selfishness, fear, pride, womanizing, carelessness... The list became longer and longer, and once James heard the word "ugly", he began running.<em>

_Feeling his heart pound irregularly against his chest, James slowed to a stop, panting for breath. The yelling and taunting was growing louder, instead of just being a buzz in his head. The noise was hurting his ears now, and he was desperate for someone to help him. A few faces came to mind, but James turned away from them. He couldn't ask them for help. Kendall, Logan, and Carlos were a part of the past that he wanted to leave behind._

"_Mom!" James cried, hoping for a response. The woman yelling in his head sounded a lot like her, but she didn't do anything. She only continued to fight with the voice of his father. "Stop! Stop!" He covered his ears, but all that happened was the increase in volume of the children that teased him. They called him fat and ugly, and he wanted to cry. He was lonely, and he wanted someone to help him- to make him feel less alone. But who could love him when he was such an undesirable creature?_

"Gah!" James gasped as he tore himself out of his sleep, his heart still beating at a rapid pace. He pressed his palms to his eyes, feeling a sheen of cold sweat covering his forehead. Catching his breath, James scanned the room. It belonged to him throughout the time he lived in Sherwood. Posters had been hung up and torn down as his tastes changed and grew, ornaments and simple decorations had come and gone as his interests developed... Now it was empty. There was nothing left of James in the room other than the bed and dresser. Frowning, he fell back onto the bed, covering his face with the pillow.

Lying awake for a while, James allowed himself to try and figure out the dream. He'd had it before, and knew what it probably meant, but he didn't like believing it. To remember what he noticed about his room not having anything left of him in it didn't help. He had everything he wanted in L.A. Why was he in such a strange mood? He was rich, famous, successful, could have any girl he wanted, do anything he wanted, go anywhere he wanted, and live life to the fullest. There was nothing wrong with his life. So what was the reason for the recurring nightmares, and the harder battle to keep his lack of feelings in check?

That woman had a point, and James knew it, as much as he didn't want to admit it. He was depressed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: It was fun playing with dramatic irony. Now let's see where I go with it.**

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><p>"You're back," the brown haired mystery woman stated, a hint of laughter in her voice. She grinned smugly, but James frowned, his arms crossed as he stared down at her. He'd had the worst night of sleep, and he wasn't entirely in the mood to be laughing. All he wanted was to leave town, and he planned on doing it before the day was over, so long as the weather decided to remain calm. He couldn't waste any time, but he wanted a question answered before he left. His bags were packed and waiting in his car, and his mother had given him a quite formal, empty goodbye. "What brings you here?"<p>

Taking a seat beside the woman on the bleachers, James licked his lips, rubbing his hands together. He didn't know how to ask, nor did he know how to even really talk to this woman. It slowly occured to him that he was annoyed immediately by her. The way she only looked ahead, never once removing her sunglasses, the way she carried herself, with an aura of holier-than-thou self-awareness. James could've been misinterpreting it, but that's what he saw, and he was quick to dislike it.

"I just wanted to know, uh- You said yesterday I sounded depressed." James stated, his shoulders slightly slumping. He didn't like the bitter taste the word left on his tongue, and he certainly didn't like talking about it. Nothing could be wrong with him. There was so much wrong in the world that wasn't happening to him, so what did he have to complain about? Shaking his head, James scratched the side of his nose, fidgeting with his hands. "What made you say that?" He could feel his heartbeat pick up, yet another thing he couldn't understand. He couldn't place why getting an answer to this question unnerved him to the point where he almost felt sick, but as soon as he got his answer, he would lock it all away and forget it.

The woman smirked, chuckling as she whistled and beckoned her dog over. She scratched behind its ear, petting it lovingly before giving it a treat from her purse. James suddenly had the feeling that he was missing something. It was strange for a number of reasons, but mostly because this was how he felt a lot when Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were still his best friends. He was never the smartest in the group, and a lot of the time he felt aloof to the big picture. It was curious as to why he would feel that way now.

_This town is getting to me. The sooner I leave, the better. _James thought, shaking his head and trying to push away the feeling.

"Let's just say I've had my own battles against depression. I know it when I see it. Or- Well, never mind," the woman admitted, her smirk widening at her last few words. She was laughing at a joke James couldn't understand, piquing his interest. He wanted to figure out what she thought was so funny. He wanted to figure out why she hadn't run over to him with her friends the day he came into town. He wanted to know a lot of things, and he couldn't explain to himself why. Was he just that bored? His life wasn't boring. He wasn't boring.

As the thoughts began to cloud his mind again, James felt his fists clench. Frowning, he stood up, hopping onto the ground. The woman beside him made no hint of following him, which further annoyed James. Wanting to keep up the conversation, but not knowing what to say, was something completely new to James Diamond. Stretching, the woman stood up, carefully stepping onto the ground, hooking the leash back onto her dogs' collar. She nudged James' arm, smiling up at him.

"Take a walk with me, Diamond," she ordered. There it was again. Her all-knowing, all-powerful tone. As if she knew something James didn't, and never would. Now, James was never one to follow orders. What propmpted him to obey this woman, and follow after her, he would never know. All he knew was that he had nothing else to do, and following her made him feel something better than he had felt in a long time. Of course, when he thought about it, anything was better than feeling nothing at all.

James walked beside the woman, who seemed to allowing her dog to lead them around. He didn't object, but he was itching to speak. The silence had never suited him. It gave him too much opportunity to think, and it was enough that his thoughts had lately been getting away from his control. Sighing, he allowed his eyes to wander, knowing perfectly well what was on the street they were walking down. He used to run down this street with Kendall, Logan, and Carlos when they were racing to get home. There were countless memories associated with this street.

In fact, there were memories associated with every street and building they passed.

"What's making you stay, James?" the woman suddenly asked, yanking James from his thoughts. He blinked, licking his lips and trying to remember how to speak. She didn't give him any time to answer, however. "I'll give you time to think about it. I was just asking to get your mind working." She chuckled, stopping and leaning against the brick wall of the building. Her dog barked, wagging its tail as it waited for her to reward it with another treat. As she did so, James noticed as her sunglasses slid down her nose, there was a small scar above her eye. Just as he attempted to observe it, she pushed the glasses up, hiding it yet again.

Clearing his throat, James pieced together his answer.

"No real reason, I just-" James stopped himself, abruptly having lost the lie he was ready to tell. He wasn't sure if it was a lie exactly, but he knew it wasn't the truth. It didn't feel like the truth. Nothing he said felt like the truth anymore. "I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm here. I planned on leaving today." Without missing a beat, the woman unleashed her questions, throwing James off by how she seemed to expect his answers.

"Why not earlier? It's midday. You could've been back in L.A by now," she pointed out, her face void of emotion. James took a deep breath, knowing that all of the thoughts swimming around in his head were ready to break though.

"I wanted to ask why you thought I was depressed. That's it. I- I got my answer, so I can leave-"

The woman shook her head, standing straight again and folding her arms over her chest. She was waiting for the real answer, but the truth was, not even James knew. He didn't feel like he knew anything anymore, and as much as he hated to admit it, that scared him. He wasn't sure when, or how, but he lost all the control he thought he had, and life was merely nudging him along at this point.

"Why were you depressed?" James inquired, the question leaving his lips before it even fully formed in his head. The woman tilted her head to the side, a small grin tugging her lips up.

The last thing James expected her to do was answer. He had always assumed things like that were private, and had to be earned. She surprised him however, by taking his hand and once again allowing her dog to lead them further down the street. They turned left, and once they were near the next intersection, James felt his throat tighten. He had memories for this particular spot in town as well, and they were anything but good. Waving her hand out to the moderately empty intersection, she looked back to James.

"I had my reasons," she answered, gripping the leash in her hands tightly. Brushing her hair back, the woman lifted her glasses, and anything James had been feeling quickly disappeared. Yet again, he didn't know what he felt. The scar he had seen wasn't alone. There were two around the other eye as well, and James saw that the tops of her eyes had a thin line running over them. Almost immediately, James figured out what he had been missing. This woman was blind. It should've been obvious, but as always, James was too wrapped up in himself to really see anything around him. "I was in a car accident, and this place is the last thing I ever saw, _James_."

The way she said his name made his heart stop. James knew it the moment his name left her tongue. Whether or not she was trying to guilt him was questionable, but all he knew, was that she wasn't just another woman. He was standing in front of Katie Knight.

An innocent girl he had unintentionally blinded.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm so very sorry I haven't updated. This story was never meant to be long, and it's been difficult for me to finish, for some reason. However, I am getting it done, and there shouldn't be many more chapters now. Maybe one or two (possibly three). I've realized the entire story has a melancholy feel to it, but also, that's how it's supposed to feel. Anyway, my goal is to be posting weekly now, so huzzah for that! I've posted a couple audio and visual posts on my writing blog (the link is on my profile page), so if you'd like to take a look at those extras, go on ahead. Thank you so much for the support! I love you.**

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><p>Not another second could be wasted. Each minute James had spent in Sherwood was foolish on his part – bad judgement. It was all a mistake. He knew exactly why he ran away in the first place, and here he was, doing it again. Only a few seconds had passed after Katie said his name, and all the memories flooded back into his head. Seven years he'd spent trying to forget them, and in just one moment, they all returned. Every dark image clouded his vision, forced all the pain and regret on him, and drowned him in self-loathing. James had always hated himself, but those memories had been the worst of it.<p>

Katie was left behind, and James ran off, gritting his teeth as he heard her dog barking after him. She knew he had run. Was she expecting as much? Should she have expected anything else? James shook his head, forcing his legs to go faster as he sprinted back to the park. He'd left Katie all alone on that sidewalk, and for a single moment, just as his hand touched the handle of his car door, he wondered if she would be alright on her own.

_Seems like she's been just fine. Then you came back into town. _James frowned, clenching his fist around the handle as his thoughts attacked him. He remembered being a teenager, and how Kendall or Logan would question whether he thought about his actions or not. The truth was, he didn't think at all. If he thought, he risked having those thoughts turn against him and make him face the truth. He was no good. He was an awful person. He was James Isaac Diamond – an ugly name for an ugly soul. Beautiful at first glance, beautiful on the outside, but rotten and grotesque on the inside.

Squeezing his eyes shut, James yanked open the door, gripping the steering wheel once he was inside the car. He tried shutting out all the thoughts and memories that were swarming inside of his head, but the harder her tried, the harder it became. Everything was there in his head for him to see, and once he saw it, there was no way to remove it from his memory again.

"_JAMES! WHAT DID YOU DO?!"_

_Kathy Knight had run into the hospital to find James sitting on one of the chairs with an icepack on his head, and a few bandages to cover the cuts on his face and arms. Kendall was beside him with a broken arm and a minor concussion, but Katie... Katie was being worked on from the moment the ambulance came to the scene of the crash._

_James was on a high he didn't want to come down from, and the more he laughed, the faster he drove. Kendall started to sense they weren't safe, and he tried taking the wheel from James, but his intoxicated friend wouldn't allow it. Katie screamed, and James turned too sharply. The car flipped, and suddenly glass was everywhere. James was on his back and there was a loud ringing in his ears that wouldn't stop. He didn't know how long he lied there, but when Kendall started shouting, James forced himself up. Katie was limp in Kendall's arms, her blood staining his shirt. James almost threw up at the sight._

"_Call someone James! Someone has to help! We need help! She needs help!"_

_Those were the only words James could hear in his head. She needs help. She needs help. He called 911, and they were all taken to the hospital._

_Now they were here._

_Kathy broke down in front of him, and Kendall had to hold her. James almost started crying, but refused to allow himself to. Mama Knight was crying enough for the both of them. She had loved him like a son, but after this, he knew she would never forgive him. She had her kids, and he was never one of them._

_Police arrived a while later, but Kendall stood up for James. It was beyond him as to why Kendall would stand up for the person who hurt his precious baby sister, and this was when James knew he had to leave. He didn't belong in Sherwood with them. He didn't deserve peace. He didn't want it. When the trouble was cleared, James began packing his bags._

_And once James received word that Katie woke up and was going to live, he fled the town without a single goodbye._

Driving away from the park, James could feel his nose burning, and his throat clenching. He held the steering wheel tight, but instead of turning towards the outskirts of town, he drove right back to the intersection where he'd left Katie. When he realized where he was going, James almost hit the breaks and turned the car around – but then he saw her. Katie was walking towards him, her dog leading the way. His heart ached when he realized once again that it was his fault she needed that dog to help her. Never did James intend on hurting anyone; he wasn't the type to inflict this on someone. But he did, and there was nothing he could do to repent for it.

"Katie," James called, rolling his windows down. Stopping, Katie turned her head to the side. She faced James, and even though she couldn't see him, he felt her eyes burning into him. "L-let me give you a ride home." The offer rolled off of his tongue with no real thought behind it. James didn't know what he was doing. He was back to having no control, and simply moving where his body told him to. She was quiet for a moment, contemplating the offer. Finally, she nodded, tugging at the leash she held and opening the back passenger door to let her dog in.

"Thank you," she whispered as she climbed into the passengers seat, pulling on the seat belt. James nodded at first, then gulped and mumbled a small response. The drive was quiet for the most part – James was more or less trying to figure out what he was doing. He was ready to leave town and forget everything again. That's what he wanted. So why was he staying? Why was he changing his mind every time at the last second, and staying in Sherwood? "I live on Willow Street; there's a new apartment complex..."

James was silent; he drove Katie towards her apartment, thinking of all that he'd done wrong, and why he was torturing himself by staying in Sherwood. It was all easy to replay in his head again and again, and ask himself the same questions – moving on was the harder part. Only when they were on Willow Street did James realize what that had to mean. He parked the car in front of the apartments, and Felix barked as Katie stepped out of the car. She opened the door to let her dog out, smiling when he licked her palm.

"Thanks for the ri-"

"Katie!" James shouted, interrupting her. Katie stood still, her hand on the door. Her small smile faded, and she waited for James to speak. "Tell me not to leave. Tell me to stay here." For a long few moments, both of them were quiet. Then Katie reached out, touching the side of James' face. He closed his eyes, feeling his entire body stiffen at her touch, almost as if he were afraid of her.

"Come inside, James. You look like you could use a cup of tea," Katie commanded softly, pulled her hand away and closing the door. James nodded, turning of the car. He sat for a moment, processing what he was going through with, and even though a large part of his brain was screaming for him to run away, he got out of the car and followed Katie to her apartment.

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><p>Katie didn't seem to have any struggles with the simple things. She could walk up the stairs, unlock the door to her apartment, wave at the neighbors that passed her; everything she did, she did without her vision. It was amazing to James how she could live like any normal person would, and how being unable to see didn't appear to faze her. He followed her into the apartment quietly, hesitantly standing near the doorway as her dog hopped around her legs, his tongue hanging out. Laughing, Katie walking into the kitchen, feeling around for the cabinet that held the dog treats.<p>

"Go ahead and make yourself comfortable James. I'll have your tea ready in a minute," Katie said, giving him a small smile as she pulled down two mugs. Gulping, James looked around the apartment. Photos of Kendall and Katie lined the walls, and photos of their mother rested on the shelf. James picked up one of the pictures, a ghost of a smile on his face when he studied the faces of the loving family. It wasn't a professional photo – it was something taken on a disposable camera at a baseball game. Kendall had Katie on his shoulders, and Kathy stood beside them, caught mid-laugh.

Everything James had envied Kendall for was summed up by the photograph. Family portraits in his house were formal, with what James thought were more fake smiles than anything else. It didn't capture the "fun" his family had. It didn't capture anything but the fact that they used to be a unit, destroyed by an absence of love and happiness. Setting the picture back down, James took to one of the seats in the living room. He fidgeted nervously in the chair, keeping his head down when Katie brought the tea out to him.

"Thanks," he tried to smile, but knowing Katie couldn't see his attempt only discouraged him. James stared down at the cup, wishing that he'd never come back home. From the beginning he knew he would regret going back to the place he'd avoided for seven years. Now he couldn't escape and it was driving him insane. The same questions kept repeating in his head: Why did he come back at all? Why was he staying? Why did he let Katie's words get to him?

For a short few minutes, Katie and James drank the tea in silence. Neither of them said a word, nor did either of them seem to want to. Though while James was uncomfortable in the silence, Katie seemed to find pleasure in it. A small smile curled her lips up, and remained that way, even when she decided to break the silence.

"Would you mind answering a question?" Katie asked, setting her cup down. James cleared his throat, nodding as he, yet again, forgot Katie couldn't see it. Before he could answer, the words were already leaving her lips. "Why did you need me to ask you to stay?" Sucking in a breath, James closed his eyes, repeating the question in his head. He was wondering the same thing.

"I'm not sure. I still haven't figured it out yet," he replied, shrugging. Setting down his empty cup, James watched as Katie's expression changed. She was thinking, but he couldn't place what she might've been feeling.

"I'm surprised you're still in town, you know," Katie stated, her tone changing. James chuckled, scratching the back of his head.

"Me too. I thought I'd be back in L.A. right now," he said. Katie nodded, setting her tea cup next to James's. Resting her hands in her lap, she faced James, and he was sure if she could, she would be observing his movements. He remembered how she would do that when she was younger – it amazed all of the boys how Katie Knight could be perched so still, and see everything at all times.

"L.A. isn't your home."

"Neither is Minnesota."

The reply came out faster than James expected it to. He didn't have to think about it; the statement was instinctual, something he believed in firmly. Katie frowned, her brow furrowing. James shifted in his chair, swallowing thickly. Now that he thought about it, he didn't know where home resided for him. Los Angeles wasn't home, and neither was Minnesota. He couldn't think of anywhere that he felt at home, because home wasn't necessarily a place to him anymore. Home, for James, was a period of time that had passed long ago. It was back when he had his best friends, his three brothers. It was when he had a Mom and Dad that he assumed loved each other, and always would.

"Where is your home, James?" Katie wondered, as if reading his mind. Sighing, James leaned forward, burying his face in his hands. He pushed his hair back, his eyes narrowed when they darted up to Katie. She stood up, slowly approaching him. "Are you happy?" When her hands touched the back of James's shoulder, he flinched. She quickly pulled her hands away, but just as soon as they left him, they made their way back. James gradually began slipping into comfort. Peace. Katie's questions were prying, but James could feel the care in them. He didn't realize how much he wanted that until it was practically tangible.

"No, I'm not."

The words felt good to say, as if he was releasing all the tension built up on him. James breathed easier, sat up straighter, and lifted his hand to place it over Katie's.

"I'm not happy. I haven't been happy... in a very long time," he breathed. Although the admission wasn't something to smile about, the corners of James's mouth twitched up. He wasn't happy. He kept repeating those words in his head, and the more he did, the more he wanted to smile. Katie didn't say a word. Instead she waited until she felt it was right to say anything else. She couldn't see him, but she knew James was reaching out to a new-found peace. Perhaps it was the first time in years that he was starting to think clearly. Remembering how she felt after accepting her depression, Katie waited patiently for James, knowing there was still a lot more he needed to say.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Check it, an update on time! Thank you to those of you who follow this story, and have waited patiently and continued to support me. I'm so very sorry that I've taken so long. Also, personally, I felt like the last update just wasn't up to par, so I put a little extra heart into this one. My readers deserve the best, and I don't want to cheat you out of that. I love you for reading what I write. Like, I really love you. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update. P.S. I love you.**

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><p>Opening his eyes, James stared at the park in front of him. He'd seen it countless times before, but now he was really <em>seeing<em> it. Katie gave his hand a squeeze, and he led her down the field. He gently lifted her hand and ran it over the leaves and flowers, and her fingers followed his as they ran along the chain-link fence. Every last detail, he whispered to her, but at the same time, he said it all to himself. There was something fascinating about the way the leaves fell from the trees when they did; the same winds had blown the day before, so why didn't they fall then? It just wasn't time. James pulled a few flowers from the ground, handing them to Katie. She ran her fingers over the petals, picking them out one by one.

When she called James that morning, telling him she wanted help "seeing" the park, James was quick to respond. Since the afternoon in her apartment, James devoted himself to Katie. The guilt he buried resurfaced, the life he'd run away from now stared him in the face, and James couldn't flee this time. Katie kept him here; she gave him reason to stay in Minnesota. She gave him reason to _stay_. He knew where his dark thoughts were headed, and he feared them. The moment Katie offered an escape from them, James took it. Grateful for her understanding, James didn't know how to thank her. He never said the words exactly, but he hoped she could understand he appreciated her company.

"How are you feeling today?" Katie asked as she slumped to the ground, her back against the fence. James sat beside her, his arms resting on his knees as he watched Felix chase two butterflies.

"Same as yesterday," James answered. Taking it upon herself to help James, Katie used methods her own therapist had used on her. The process was slow, but she wanted to make sure she did it right. After years of knowing James, she was convinced he'd refuse the help of a psychiatrist. If she asked the questions right, and got him to talk, maybe he wouldn't need to. She was smart; she could help him before anything bad happened.

"Are you going to stay until Logan's wedding?" Katie turned to James, remembering the invitation she'd received several weeks ago. Lips pursed, James closed his eyes, trying to recall if he'd gotten an invitation at all. He was sure he had, but he couldn't think of seeing one. Mostly, he ignored his mail. James ignored a lot of things, but any reminder of his former life with friends and family were at the top of the list.

"Yeah, I think I'll go. When is it again?"

Katie could hear the reluctance, and subtle as it was.

"This Saturday," she said. James paused, thinking of how far off Saturday was. He had four days until the wedding. Four days to remain in Sherwood. James could feel the town air suffocating him when he thought about it, but quickly, he pushed the thoughts away. He wanted to stay until he solved what was wrong with him, and it wasn't supposed to matter how long it took. Sighing, he pushed himself up, reaching down to take Katie's hand and help her to her feet. "Do you have your plus one, or..?" Chuckling, James shook his head.

"No, I- I'm not going with anyone," he stated. Katie squeezed his hand, cocking one eyebrow. James stared at her for a few moments, then squeezed her hand back. "Okay, I guess I'm going with you." Pulling her hand away, Katie reached out, finding James's shoulder and patting it. His lips curled up, and with Felix jumping around behind him, he led Katie back to the car.

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><p>Packing away his clothes, James zipped up the suitcase before looking around the room. He made arrangements at a nearby hotel, after spending hours debating whether or not he should just rent an apartment. Although he planned on staying in Sherwood, he still wasn't sure how long it would be. A voice in his head told him to leave once the wedding was over, but the rest of him commanded he stay. There was no reason behind the option of staying, but James felt he needed to do so. It was a tiresome feeling, but it was constant, and had been since he set foot in his hometown. All he knew, was that staying in the same house he grew up in couldn't be a good choice. Brooke left for one of her business trips, and having the house to himself made James uncomfortable. It reminded him too much of his adolescence, and how he raised himself most of the time.<p>

_Maybe that's when..._ James couldn't finish the though, but he didn't think he really wanted to. A knock on his door made his head snap up, and he quickly whirled around. Brooke stood in the doorway, holding her hands up and chuckling at James's reaction.

"Calm down their, killer! It's only me," Brooke snickered, taking a few steps into the room.

Shoving a few last things into the pockets of his suitcase, James said, "I thought you already left."

Brooke shook her head, sitting down on the bed. Her eyes landed on the suitcase, and she placed her hand on it, glancing back at her son.

"You're going already?" she questioned, her lips twitching. Her face was expressionless, and her voice toneless, much to James's annoyance. He yanked the suitcase out from under her hand, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the handle.

"Do you want me to stay?" he demanded, his hard stare drilling into his mother. Brooke blinked several times, looking away when she stood up and chuckled.

"James, sweetie, you're a grown man. If you feel more comfortable at a hotel-"

"No, Mom, do you want me to stay? Yes or no?" James stepped in front of Brooke, blocking her from leaving the room. She paused, laughing incredulously as she folded her arms over her chest. Her eyes studied James up and down, not betraying her for a second as she wore her smile. Gulping, James loosened his grip on the suitcase. All he needed was to hear her say she wanted him to stay. He didn't know why he needed it, but he did. She only had this one chance.

"Honey, you can stay if you want. The house is open. Me wanting you to stay or not isn't going to matter, is it? I'm out of town for the next week, remember?" Brooke's smile never faltered, even when James didn't respond. She kissed her hand, tapping his cheek with it as she left the room.

For a while, James remained where he stood. He could still feel the last tap of "affection" Brooke gave him, and when he finally moved, he wiped his cheek. As a teenager, he'd done the same thing, but it was because the kisses just weren't his thing. Any teenage boy would've done it. Then again, any teenage boy would've gotten a real kiss on the cheek from their mother. James got a tap. A ghost of affection. Brooke Diamond couldn't show James affection if her life and cosmetics line depended on it. As a matter of fact, she probably showed more affection to the makeup than she did to him.

_Probably why Dad bailed._ James thought bitterly. His brow furrowed, and he bit his lip. He didn't like that thought at all. He wished it hadn't crossed his mind in the first place. Growling, James carried his belongings out of the house, tossing them into his car. Locking up the house, he got into the vehicle, his hands clenching the steering wheel. Without any thought behind his actions, James started the car and drove. It was eleven at night on a Tuesday; there was hardly anyone else on the streets. James couldn't control his thoughts, and he figured it was probably for the best that no one was around. It saved them from James and his destruction. He was a danger to everyone.

Biting down on his lip, James could taste the blood as he tried to clear his mind. His foot pressed down on the pedal, and the speedometer climbed up to forty. Fifty.

Sixty.

Sharply turning one of the corners, James saw a flash of light. At first, he knew perfectly well it was just a streetlight. However, all of a sudden, he could've sworn it was a different street. It wasn't any regular Sherwood streetlight – it was the light he hit the night he drove Katie and Kendall home. The night he took away Katie's eyesight. Slamming his foot down on the breaks, James could hear the echo of the screeching tires, and his hands flew to his ears. Blocking out the sound, James sat in his car, waiting for the crash that he knew came next. He could almost feel the glass breaking, and his head hitting the road. Several moments passed before James cracked one eye open, peering around to see nothing but darkness, and the flickering streetlight.

Frustrated, James gritted his teeth, trying to hold back a scream. He couldn't, however, and he punched the dashboard until his knuckles bled. His cries were muffled into the wheel, and he gasped for breath when it was all finally out. Stealing a peek in the rear-view mirror, James saw his face was red and his eyes were watering. Blowing out a gust of air, he pushed his hair back, studying the damage done to his hand. They were only small cuts – thankfully, nothing too serious. Leaning against the seat, James covered his face with his hands, taking another minute to breathe before driving again.

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><p>"<em>You know what I want?"<em>

_Climbing to the top of the roof, James looked down at his friends, a wide grin stretched across his face. Kendall shook his head, chuckling at his friend. Carlos seemed eager to join him, whereas Logan appeared concerned – as if James would get himself hurt. The boys were only fifteen-years-old, but already they were brothers for life. Something about the connection between the four of them kept them around each other. As different as they seemed, when they were all together, everything felt good. There wasn't a better friendship any of them could remember having. None of them questioned it. They were happy to have each other – they wouldn't trade any one of their brothers._

_Especially not James._

"_What's that hot-shot?" Kendall asked, following James to the top of the roof. The boys spent many afternoons here – on top of Logan's garage. His house was at the top of Crestshaw Hill, and from the roof, they could see all of Sherwood. Even if there wasn't much to see, it was neat to have such a perspective. James joking pushed Kendall, and Logan's eyes widened. He protested, but bit his lip when Kendall started laughing. Though he enjoyed being on the roof, Logan was always nervous one of them would fall._

"_I wanna be famous!" James exclaimed, moving his hands out as if the words would appear in the sky. The boys groaned, laughing as they flicked snow in James's direction. He tossed snow right back at them, laughing._

"_Not this again!" Logan groaned, smirking._

"_Don't you want fame, Logie? I mean, think about it! Sold out tours, platinum albums, and all the girls you could ever dream of – just throwing themselves at you!" James talked about fame like a teenage girl talked about her celebrity crush, and the boys couldn't help but laugh at it every now and again. Logan shook his head, shrugging._

"_You know I wanna be a doctor, James," he replied. Kendall shook his head, sliding down to Logan and hooking his arm around his neck._

"_Give James a shot here! Maybe fame would be cool. Imagine all the cameras on you, and bras getting thrown on stage, and people knowing your name. That does sound pretty cool," Kendall stated, glancing over at James. The brunette smiled, seeing the expressions of his other friends change as Kendall backed him up. Half the time, Kendall was James's favorite friend. He understood everything. He knew when to draw the line and he knew how to make James feel happier. In actuality, James couldn't pick a favorite. All of his friends made him happier. They made him better. He could never vocalize it, but he loved them more than he loved his parents, and he was pretty sure these three boys loved him more than his parents did._

Gliding her fingers over the dots, Katie read over the Braille as she'd done dozens of times before. Bored with the book, she closed it and set it down on the coffee table, listening to the quiet of her apartment. Felix was napping, and she could hear his breathing in the corner of the room. Sitting in the chair by the window, Katie could hear the neighbor's keys jingling as they locked their door and headed to work. It was Anna Jones, a young, single woman just like Katie. She worked from the early morning to mid-afternoon, and always came home with something from the bakery. She was the neighbor Katie talked to the most, but mainly because Anna wasn't reclusive like the other residents of the apartment complex. A few doors down, Roger Henley, an old widowed man in his late seventies, lived with his son, Ben. Both of them liked to keep to themselves, but on occasion, Katie would share the laundry room with them. The first time she talked to them, Ben had made pie to celebrate his mother's birthday. He offered her a piece, but Katie didn't talk to them much after that.

Downstairs, there were two couples that lived next door to each other. Their kids loved to play with Felix, and whenever Katie sat outside, they would find their way to her. The oldest was twelve, and his name was Sam. He had three little brothers named Eric, Shawn, and Danny. The other couple only had one child, a daughter named Valerie. Katie had only met their parents once, months ago when they came looking for their kids. The boy's parents were sociable enough, shaking Katie's hand and sounding pleased to meet her. Valerie's parents were much more despondent, as if they were mourning the loss of a loved one. Katie didn't ask questions though. Perhaps they were in a time of grief. Katie invited Valerie back to play with Felix, but after a second meeting, Valerie stopped coming upstairs.

Thinking about how nice it had been to have company, Katie tuned out everything around her, and immersed herself in the memories. Eventually, she caught herself thinking about much older times – the times in which she could see. Though the details were fuzzy in her mind, she remembered colors, shapes, places, and people. She remembered her mother's face, and her brother. She remembered his friends, boys who had become like extra family to her. Smiling, Katie laughed, her chin resting in the palm of her hand. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and she was ripped away from the memory.

"Just a minute!" Katie called, standing up and counting her steps. She found the door, twisting the lock and opening it. "Hello?" Seconds passed, but no one answered. Katie could hear breathing, but there was no movement. "Who's there?" Reaching out, she felt along the person's neck, her fingers tracing up to their face.

"It's just me, Katie," James finally answered. Katie nodded, holding the door open. "I'm sorry to stop by so early. I couldn't sleep, and I ended up going to a jog, and- Well, here I am." Katie laughed and shrugged, closing the door once she felt James walk by her. She followed him into the living room, reaching out to take his hand.

"What kept you awake-" Katie cut herself off when she felt James's hand. She could feel bandages wrapped around it. Frowning, she lifted his hand running her fingers over the bandage. "What happened?" James didn't answer immediately. He allowed Katie to feel the bandage before taking his hand away, shoving it in his pocket. Waiting for him to speak, Katie walked to the middle of her living room, curling up on the couch. After a minute, James joined her. He hesitated, and Katie could hear his breath catching in his throat.

"Did you know I used to be really fat?" James asked. Katie's expression quickly became confused, and she tilted her head to the side. From what she remembered of James, she would've never guessed. "It's true. Before I moved to Sherwood, back when my parents were married, I was a pretty heavy kid. I got teased a lot for it." James started out chuckling, but when he stopped talking, Katie could tell he was frowning.

"Your parents must've done something-"

"No," James interrupted her, nipping the question in the bud. The two were quiet for a while before James spoke again. He sighed, shifting in his spot. "They were too busy with each other. Most of the time they fought. I can't really remember a day when they weren't fighting. I mean, I can, but that's because they weren't in the house together. Mom would be on the road, or Dad would be out..." James's voice trailed off. Katie didn't know what triggered James to tell her all of this, but she was glad he came over. Admitting these things to her was a good thing. It was better than him keeping it to himself. "I remember when Dad finally left us."

"Us?" Katie questioned, instantly noticing the use of the word.

"Yeah. He didn't exactly beg me to join him when he packed his bags. He found someone new, and... I just didn't fit in his life anymore. Cindy was more affectionate than Mom had ever been in their entire marriage. I always wondered if he thought the same thing about me. Did I tell him I loved him? Did I hug him?" James questioned himself, his eyes closing. Katie listened, thinking about everything James was saying. Back when she was a kid, she wouldn't have believed him to be capable of telling anyone these things. She wouldn't have thought it could be true. Brooke Diamond had always seemed like the coolest mom, even in comparison to her own. "I would've done it, had he done any of that for me. There was no support... ever. Neither of them listened to me, and a lot of the time, I have to wonder if they even wanted me. You know they never told me how they met or fell in love, and sometimes I'd lie in bed thinking I was an accident. I was the reason they got married, but I wasn't enough of a reason to stay married."

James spoke faster now, stumbling over his words. To Katie it seemed he stammered when the most painful thoughts were voiced, and she could hear the quivering. She could hear him cracking, right next to her. When he sobbed for the first time, Katie was quick to reach out and wrap her arms around him. The outburst of emotion was coming faster than it had for her, but then again, James had been suffering from these thoughts his entire life. Twenty or more years, he'd been hurting from the idea of what he was. Twenty plus years, he'd been trying to create an image of himself that he liked. Now it was all broken.

"I really hate who I am," James whispered as Katie rubbed his back. "And nothing ever changed. I'm as... disgusting on the outside as I feel on the inside. I'm just fucking rotten and- I'm glad you can't see me. I don't want anyone to see me. I never have, and I don't understand why I wanted the fame and the cameras and all the attention. I don't know, maybe I wanted the world to figure out what I really am. Maybe I want everyone else to hate me too... but no one could ever hate me as much as I hate myself."

Katie held James close, squeezing him tight. She could feel the tears in her eyes, and as one slid down her cheek, she prayed James wouldn't see it.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Double update today! All I have to say about this chapter is that I hope you don't hate me for it. Usually I build fics I write around ideas I have, and the ideas I have are usually how the story ends. Again, I have visuals and music on my writing blog, and you can check out the links on my profile page. Any questions on my stories, or comments on anything, you can ask there if you don't wanna just review. I appreciate all the views this gets, and I love you for taking the time to give my work a shot. Thank you so much for reading!**

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><p>The church was empty aside from the early guests. Katie met up with her mother, leaving James to sit alone in the pews. He spent ten minutes looking at all of the decorations, and another ten minutes realizing that he was about to witness one of his best friends getting married. James understood that Logan had invited him to a wedding, but it was only now sinking in that Logan really did love Lucy – so much, that they were getting married. They weren't teens in a whirlwind romance, or a couple linked together by circumstance. Not like James's parents. If James had paid any attention before, he would've seen it clearly. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he stood up, leaving for the bathrooms. Briskly walking down the halls, he found the men's restrooms and entered, stopping in front of the mirrors. He pushed his hair back, blowing out a gust of air. Straightening his tie, James observed his reflection until he heard the door open. Clearing his throat, he turned around, his heart skipping a beat when he saw who had come in.<p>

"Hey, Kendall," James greeted, smiling. Kendall gave him a half-smile in return, nodding curtly. Walking to the sinks, Kendall turned on the water, splashing some in his face and rubbing his eyes. Leaning against the wall, James fidgeted with his hands while Kendall dried his face. Hands gripping the edge of the sink, Kendall sighed frustratedly. "You alright?" His eyes were angry, and James couldn't meet them with his own gaze.

"What are you doing here, James?" Kendall demanded, throwing the damp paper towel into the trashcan. Biting his lip, James opened his mouth to answer, but found he didn't have one. Nothing came to mind, and his lips pursed.

"Logan invited me to the wedding," he finally answered, gulping. His tie suddenly felt too tight, and the bathroom felt warmer than it had a few minutes ago. Kendall chuckled bitterly and nodded, running a hand through his hair as he paced around the room.

"I mean, what are you doing here with Katie?"

James choked on his breath, and his eyes shifted to his feet. His mouth dried and no matter how many times he tried licking his lips, it didn't help at all. Scratching the back of his head, James stole a peek at Kendall and answered, "She invited me to come with her. We've been... talking. Bumped into each other at the park and... Yeah." Kendall shook his head, scoffing.

"Talking, huh?" he questioned skeptically. James's fists balled up at his sides, but he didn't make a move. "James-" Kendall cut himself off, gritting his teeth as he thought about what he wanted to say. After a minute, his hard stare softened, and his shoulders slumped. James uncurled his fists, his fingers twitching. "It's good to see you here, it really is. I- And I'm sorry for the circumstance that brought you back to Minnesota. I just... Katie's been through enough, okay?"

Frowning, James was about to question what Kendall was getting at, when it began to click in his head. Kendall was only looking out for his sister, but the way he seemed to regard James as a threat to her made his heart sink. He could've been referring to a couple things – James's notorious dating history, or the accident that took away Katie's sight. Both were things James regretted. Both were things he wished he could fix.

"I'm not gonna lie, I was happy that you didn't have to do time. Money, technicalities, whatever it was that got you off the hook- I'm glad it worked itself out," Kendall admitted. James swallowed the lump he felt forming in his throat. He didn't want to be there anymore. He wished Kendall would stop talking. "But I was angry that you left the way you did. No note, a change of number... You abandoned all of us. You ruined Katie's life, and you just picked up and ran away. That was what pissed me off, James." The words tortured James, but Kendall wasn't stopping. He couldn't see that James was a hair away from cracking. He couldn't take this. "I just don't want anything else happening to Katie, okay? You've done enough." Neither James nor Kendall felt entirely sure what he meant by that. He'd done enough? Did he mean James had done enough by blinding her, or he'd done enough in trying to make things right with Katie? Whatever the real meaning of those words was, they still made James feel sick.

Without another word, Kendall walked away, leaving James alone in the restrooms.

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><p><em>Tears stung his eyes, but James continued to smile as Logan said his vows. The look in his best friend's eyes when he stared at his bride astounded James. Katie noticed how captivated James was by the ceremony, and when the newly wedded couple kissed, she took his hand and squeezed gently.<em>

"Mom, that's great!" Katie exclaimed. Her voice pulled James from his thoughts, and he blinked, realizing he was staring at Logan and Lucy as they laughed and danced. Licking his lips, James looked up to see Katie hugging her mother. He missed the conversation, but there was something about the shock on Katie's face that let him know it was serious.

"I'll give you a call if I hear anything about the waiting list," Jennifer Knight stated, her hand on Katie's cheek. Katie nodded, and Jennifer left the table, smiling at James before heading to some of the other wedding guests. Though it was comforting that her smile didn't appear forced, James couldn't shake what Kendall had said in the restrooms. He sighed, drinking what was left of the champagne in his glass. It had been a while since he really drank, but he didn't care. After everything, he felt like he needed a drink or two – at least to calm him down. However, as the taste of the champagne sat on his tongue, James pushed the glass away. Not even drinking was going to help. He glanced up at Katie, noticing how wide her smile was.

"What did your Mom say?" James asked, sitting up straighter. Katie turned to face him, and he tried to see past the dark tint of her glasses. He'd wondered for a while what her eyes looked like now, but he was never brave enough to ask. "She mentioned a waiting list. What's that about?" Katie's smile faltered, and James didn't fail to catch it. She stood up, holding out her hand for James to take. Curious, he grabbed her hand and followed her to the dance floor. The song changed from a fast-paced beat to something much slower, and James was hesitant as Katie put her arms around his neck. His hands trembled before holding her waist, and they stepped in rhythm with the music.

"She heard about the success of a new eye surgery," Katie explained, her tone low. James paused, but Katie shook her head. "I already did my research on it. Mom... She's slow on these things, you know? I never told her, but I've always tried to find anything that would help me get my sight back." She sighed, tilting her head up and pulling away from James. They were in the corner of the dance floor, away from everyone else. Katie lifted her glasses, and James's lips parted. The thin scar ran all the way across both of her eyes, leaving them empty and distant.

"You're saying it's possible for you to see again?" James questioned, amazed by how relieved he felt. Katie didn't share the feeling, however, and she fixed her glasses.

"In the accident, the glass cut my eyes. The impact wasn't so bad that it completely wrecked my sight. So... yes, I can see again," Katie stated. Her brow furrowed, and the stress lines in her forehead appeared. "There's a waiting list though. Unless I have a direct donation or something, I don't-" Katie bit her lip, and it became obvious that she'd known about this for a while. Breathing out, she shook her head, sliding her arms over James's shoulders and around his neck again. "Not a lot of people donate their eyes. It's not common. I just- I've learned not to get my hopes up too high over these things." James's hands tightened around her waist, and he frowned, wishing there was something he could say. Katie leaned her head on his shoulder, stepping in circles with him to the music.

Dancing in silence, the two didn't think of trying to force conversation when there was nothing left to say. Instead, they let thoughts consume them while they held on to each other and moved. Nothing felt like it mattered for the moment, and to James, it felt like what he'd been needing the entire time he was in Sherwood. He needed nothing to matter anymore. He needed to feel someone's hands holding him. Everything just had to slow down and let him breathe. James closed his eyes and didn't open them, scared that if he did, the peace he felt would escape him. There was something about being with Katie that made him feel better now. It wasn't the idea of doing a good deed for someone he'd wronged – it was the promise of care. Attention.

It was the promise of feeling.

_If I had feelings, I'd have them for Katie._

The thought floated through James's head, and he didn't argue with it. He knew the truth behind those words. Somewhere along the line, in the very back corners of his mind, the idea of falling in love with Katie Knight was planted. James tried to trace his steps, figure out when it happened, and he wondered if going to her the morning after he left his mother's house was the right idea. She helped him more than anyone else ever had, but as much as he wanted to love her, he didn't want to at the very same time. He was never going to be any good for her, and the proof ran across her eyes in the form of a scar. Stepping away from Katie, James felt his mouth run dry. He hesitated, lifting his hand to brush his fingers against hers.

"Katie," his voice quivered, but he refused to let the moment get away from him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. If I could take back what I did, I would. I'm so sorry, okay? I'm sorry." There weren't enough ways for him to apologize, and it didn't feel like he could ever say it too much. He had owed Katie this apology for years, and he meant it. There was so much more meaning behind the two words than he expected, but he hoped she could hear it all. He said he was sorry, and he meant it, but he also meant that he was grateful to her for all that she'd been to him. He loved her for it, but he didn't think he could ever say it. She was too good of a person for him, and she needed to know that. Katie Knight was the only person who had a chance at saving James, but he knew he was a lost cause. Maybe he'd always known. "I'm sorry."

James felt Katie move closer to him, and his eyes widened when he felt her hands holding his face, and her lips pressing against his. Her glasses were perched on top of her head, moved so she could be close to him. With her eyes closed, James could see the scarring on her eyelids, and he winced. Yet Katie continued to kiss him. He was a few seconds too late, but he kissed back, his hands resting on her shoulders. Her eyes opened, and even though she couldn't see, she was staring into James's eyes – farther than anyone had ever looked before. James thought if he had a soul, if he believed in any of that, Katie was the one who could see it.

"I forgive you, James."

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><p>In another life, James saw himself not sleeping with Katie after the wedding. He thought he'd changed, but as he sat up in bed, glancing down at Katie, he realized that nothing about him was different. She wanted him back, just as much as he wanted her, but the idea of Kendall finding out terrified him. Yes, Katie forgave him. Yes, they were all adults that could make their own decisions. However, James was still James. Deep down he knew he hated himself for letting it go so far with Katie. All the loathing became greater, and again he found himself wishing he could take it back. She kissed him after he apologized. She forgave him. That was supposed to be enough. That was supposed to be what cured James of everything he'd felt since arriving back in Sherwood, and it was supposed to send him on his way back to California. He didn't belong here. He didn't belong anywhere.<p>

Replaying the night in his head, James got stuck on making love to Katie. It was different from the hook ups with the dates he had in L.A. Katie was close to him. She helped him, loved him when no one else would. In fact, Katie loved him even when he couldn't stand himself. She was more than he could've ever deserved, even if he redeemed himself for all the mistakes he'd made. James couldn't let any of it go. Even if Katie forgave him, he'd never forgive himself. As quietly as possible, James slipped out of bed, walking through the apartment. He gathered his clothes and pulled them on, taking his phone from his pocket and dialing Katie's number. Silently leaving her home, he directed the call to her voicemail, knowing he couldn't face her if she woke up. James couldn't say sorry enough, but sorry didn't feel right this time. There was something else he had to tell Katie, and if she heard him the way he knew she would, she'd know he was much more than sorry.

The air was cold on James's face as he walked back to his hotel. His nose and ears were red, and he could see his breath in white puffs. By the time he reached the hotel, he was done with suffering. Walking through town was the last straw. Every corner had a memory, another story that he could never have again. The past haunted him and terrified him and he could never get away from it. There was no escape for James. None that ended happily, anyway. Packing his bags, James checked out of the hotel and drove away from Sherwood. He was tempted to drive past Katie's apartment, but he knew if he did, he wouldn't be able to leave. It was for the best that he disappeared again. Coming back to Minnesota had been a mistake – another to add to his already massive list.

If Katie hated him for leaving, James figured it would be better. At least then she wouldn't be an excuse for him. Loving her wouldn't help him. Nothing would help him and the sooner he accepted it, the better. It was too late for him. It had always been too late for him, and there was no use trying to solve anything anymore. He had to go back to L.A.

James was scared, but he couldn't keep living the way he was anymore.

Before he knew it, James was boarding a plane to California. He turned off his phone, expecting calls from Katie once she woke up. Being the coward he was, he couldn't imagine turning the phone back on. All she could have was the message he left her. Those would be his last words for her.

_I am human, and I will let you down._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Finally! The Jatie story is complete, and it ends with a double update. This was always meant to be sad, but I'm thinking the next story I write (or technically finish - I'm now getting to When the Day Met the Night) will have a completely different (happier) mood. I hope you enjoyed the story, and thank you for the support.**

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><p>"Katie? Can you hear me?"<p>

Stretching, Katie opened her eyes, turning in the direction her mother's voice came from.

"My hearing is fine, Mom. It's the seeing thing I'm worried about," Katie replied, laughter in her voice. Jennifer Knight sat beside the hospital bed, and Katie froze, her grin slowly curling up into a wider smile. Although there were a few differences, like the gray in her hair, and the couple extra wrinkles, Jennifer was exactly what Katie imagined. Reaching out, Katie's fingertips brushed her mother's face. She never thought she'd see it again, and she felt the tears brimming in her new eyes. The door to her room opened, and Kendall walked in, pausing when he saw his little sister had woken up. "Kendall... What do you know? You still look like a goof." Kendall laughed, approaching his sister and hugging her tightly.

"I can't believe it," he breathed, pushing the hair from her face. "How does it feel to see again?" Katie shrugged, playing it off, but when she looked back at Kendall, she laughed. She was really looking at him again. Every detail of the room, every feature on her family's faces... she didn't have to touch to understand. Katie could see it all again, and this time, she could appreciate it. There was a tug in the back of her throat though, and Katie's smile faded. She'd been waiting for this moment for several reasons, but one of them was especially important now.

"Mom?" Katie asked. Jennifer met her daughter's gaze, knowing what she was going to ask for.

One month ago, Katie spent a week crying over James. He left without a word after sleeping with her, and there was no way she could contact him. All of the ties were cut, and for the second time, he abandoned the home he could've had. Katie didn't know if he thought of it that way, and that was what tortured her the most. What was he thinking? What could've been going through his mind? If she could have those questions answered, she'd let him go without any more thoughts. She figured that would never happen, but just a week before the surgery, she received a letter from James. Unable to read it, she took it to her mother, but Jennifer said that James wanted Katie to read it herself. At first she was angry, thinking it was a cruel joke. Then she received a call, saying that there were eyes being donated to her.

Katie was able to put two and two together, but she didn't want to believe it. She couldn't, until she read the letter James left for her.

"Are you gonna be okay, sweetie?" Jennifer asked, the letter in her hands. Katie stared at James's handwriting, almost missing the question. Inhaling and exhaling, she nodded, holding out her hand. Jennifer handed her the envelope, and slowly, Katie opened it. The writing was messy, and there were several parts scratched out, but she could make out everything on the page. Nervous, Katie set the letter down on her lap.

"Could you guys let me be alone?" she requested, looking from her mom to her brother. Kendall hesitated, but nodded. Katie hadn't noticed when he first came in, but his eyes were red, as if he'd been crying. She didn't doubt that he had. James meant just as much to him, Carlos, and Logan as he had to her. Jennifer and Kendall left the room, closing the door quietly behind them. Katie sat still for a long few minutes, the letter gripped tightly in her hands. Swallowing thickly, she held up the paper, already feeling her heart clenching, and her stomach aching. There was the tiniest hope that her suspicions were wrong, but she knew that was foolish. Bracing herself for what was written down, Katie read James's letter.

_Katie,_

_I don't expect you to forgive me this time. I'm a series of excuses, and I'm no good. At some point in my life, I went wrong, and I can't figure out when that moment was. If I could... If I thought it was worth it, I would tell you. But it's not worth it. I'm not worth it. There's no convincing me, or helping me, or saving me at this point. I realize that's what you were trying to do, and it hurts as much as it awes me. For some reason, I can't let myself believe that you'd love me back. Nothing good can really come to me, or, at least it shouldn't. Katie, if there was a way to fix what I've become, I'd do it. I wish I could explain all the things I feel. It's... complicated, but simple at the same time. I do things, even though I know they're not right. I drank and drove, and it cost you your eyes. I ran away when you and your brother needed me. And for a second time, I ran away, because I was scared that you could really love me. It terrified me to think I might have a reason to stay._

_That doesn't make sense, does it? I know I asked you to tell me to stay, but I don't think I meant it. I've never wanted to stay. It's not where I belong. I can't live like this. Do you know how scary that is? Knowing you can't live? Knowing that if you choose to stay, you'll live with this emptiness forever? Everyone thinks I've got it made. The money, talent, looks... None of that matters, because I can't feel anything. All I do is suffer, and I'm pathetic. I've hated myself for too long, and what I'm about to do will solve everything. For me... and that's selfish. I'm sorry. That's what I know I am. Selfish. I'm only for me, and I regret letting you get hurt by it. This is what I have to do though, and even if it's ultimately selfish, I'm trying to give back at the same time. You can have everything I own. You can donate it, burn it, sell it... The choice is yours. What's important is that you get what you want, and I know you want to see again. So I'm giving you my eyes, with everything else. Use them better than I did._

_Thank you for helping me. Thank you for giving me a chance, and thank you for loving me. Know that I could never forgive myself for hurting you, and even if I wrote a novel to you, there's a million things I still have to say. The important things though, I made a point to write down. I love you, Katie Knight. You're the best thing that could've happened to me, while I'm the worst thing that could've happened to you. I'm sorry I was who I was. I think you knew though, that this was what I would turn to. That's why you started to help. You didn't want me to go through with it. I appreciate the care. I love you for it. Again, I'm sorry. When you read this, I want you to know that I don't blame you if you hate me. I just hope that you can forgive me again, and remember I did love you. You're the only one I've ever loved like this._

_If I've got the timing right, by the time you read this, I'll be buried soon. Should you want to attend my funeral, you're welcome to. I don't blame you if you'd rather not. There's not much else I can think to say other than I love you._

_James_

The scratched out lines were where James got off topic, but Katie read them anyway. She felt a tear slide down her cheek, and another after that. James had loved her. She tried her hardest to help him, and she wondered if she had insisted he see a psychiatrist, would he have still committed suicide? Folding the letter, Katie trembled as she slipped the paper back into the envelope. For a long time she sat on her bed, contemplating whether or not she wanted to go to his funeral. Hugging her knees to her chest, Katie buried her face in her hands and cried. She didn't stop until half an hour later, when the sun was beginning to set. When she noticed, she climbed out of bed, walking to the window. There was snow falling, and the sky was gray. Placing her hand on the glass, Katie stared at the clouds, tracing the shape with her finger.

"Thank you," she said. Her words were loaded, and she hoped, if there was a God and an afterlife, James would hear her. Even if he couldn't, she had to say it, and hear it for herself. She forgave him, and she loved him. She always would, because James Diamond was a lot of things - a singer, an entertainer, selfish, irresponsible... But he was also human. He wasn't anywhere close to perfect, and Katie fell for the human in him. It was a shame he couldn't even consider loving himself. Glancing back at the envelope, Katie thought about what he wrote. _Use them better than I did._

James saw the world in black in white. He saw himself in black and white. There was no gray area - he was either good or bad, and he chose bad. Katie shut her eyes, not wanting to see anything more just yet. She knew she had to choose how to deal with this, and one of the options was allowing the hurt, and the sadness, to completely take over her. She'd felt that before, and she knew James suffered from it for God knew how long. Shaking her head, Katie opened her new eyes, staring at the world outside of her window. Unlike James, Katie could save herself. She was stronger than he was. Perhaps if he'd seen that the best part of being so low, was that the only place he could go was up... Maybe he wouldn't have chosen to die. Katie wiped a tear that escaped her eye before it could slide down her cheek. Her forehead pressed against the window, Katie gazed at the trees, the grass, the birds, and the melting snow.

"Everything is beautiful today, James," she whispered. "Everything is so beautiful."


End file.
